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The Bear’s get Goldilocks, I get Fluffy October 10, 2013

Posted by todoubled22 in Uncategorized.
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     So Leanna and I went up to visit our friend Paul on Saturday night.  We had a few beers and talked about the Bruins how teenagers can be pain in the asses.  Fast forward to the walk home and we pick up one said pain in the ass teenager on the way home.  We get to our building and I notice my bedroom lights were on.  I didn’t suffer one of those ‘omg did I leave the stove on’ type moments.  I knew I shut the damn light off, so now the question was ‘how did it get turned on?’.  

     I walk into my apartment and now I notice that the bathroom light is on and the faucet running ever so lightly as if someone didn’t turn the knob completely.  I approach my room on tip toe as if I were the Grinch trying to sneak by Cindy Lou Who.  My bed slowly comes into view…UGH! IT’S FLUFFY!!  (for those who don’t know, Fluffy is Erik, my roommate)

 

     I turned around immediately and went to Leanna’s apartment and ask them to quietly go check my bedroom.  There he still is snoring like a champ cuddling my damn pillow!  I’m seriously talking balls deep!  So Leanna and Jazmyn (the 14 year old) take pictures.  Looking back, we should have taken some selfies!!  (I’m sorry because if you’re actually reading this I feel I owe you better.  I missed the damn boat on the selfies.)  

OK back to the story.

     I didn’t even wait for the videos to start rolling because I’m getting heated.  There is someone in my bed that doesn’t belong and he needs to not be in my bed…now.  I grab the bottom of his jeans and lifted it.  He starts kicking like he’s a homeless dude in the park trying to fight for his life.  He stops kicking and just stares at me.  I can see the lights aren’t on in there.  Well, even less so than normal.   This is our exchange.

 

Me:  What are you doing in my bed?

Fluffy:  (blank stare)

Me: Dude, you’re in my bed what are you doing in my bed!?

Fluffy: (blank stare) snort

Me:  Get out of my fucking bed!  Get up! Get out of my bed!

Fluffy: Dude, you’re freaking me out.

Me: Freaking you out!?  You’re in my fucking bed you’re freaking me out! 

(at this point I’m ready to fucking roll him to the floor just to get him out of my bed.)

Fluffy:  (looks left and right) This isn’t my room.

 

He got up at that point and just walked into his room and that was that.  For health and safety reasons, we disposed of the pillow cases and incinerated the pillow.  That shit was violated.  You know what I mean?  Violated.

 

     

The Red Sox are in the Playoffs and I’m Totally Sad October 7, 2013

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The Red Sox have a really fun and exciting team. They formed a close bond and many of them have grown beards in some sort of brotherhood ritual. I can’t grow a beard. I’m totally sad. Seriously though, I’ve NEVER been more envious of facial hair in my life. I had accepted the fact that I couldn’t grow a hockey playoff beard a long time ago. This baby face bullshit just didn’t happen overnight. I haven’t been able to grow a beard my whole life! Shocking, I know! The Bruins were in the playoffs all the time, so I got over that one real quick, but the Red Sox have never done playoff beards before. And some of these beards could be legendary by the end of October. Call up the Beard Hall of Fame am I right?

The fact that I can’t grow my own beard hasn’t stopped me from trying to come up with a clever scheme to have a beard appear on my face. Some of the ideas I’ve come up with so far.

a) Buy a fake beard at the store

b) Use marker to color in a beard (I’d just get drunk and pass out with my friends, but along with a beard I’m sure there would also be a penis)

c) us cotton balls and look like freakin’ Santa!

d) shave my head and glue my hair to my face.

Those are the ideas I’ve come up with. I’m hoping I have all through the World Series to enjoy my playoff beard, so feel free to share you’re ideas. Thanks!

Sorry, I Forgot my Password December 4, 2012

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     I was doing my end of the year clean up of all the crap I’ve accumulated throughout the year and I found some old fortune cookie fortunes that I had saved.  I definitely saved some good ones because my self esteem was immediately boosted after reading them.  Who wouldn’t be proud to have a random cookie toss out such wisdom?  

 

“Your winsome smile will be your sure protection.”  (yes, I had to Google ‘winsome’)

 

“Your principles mean more to you than any money or success.”

 

“Honesty and integrity are just some of your best attributes.”

 

     Seriously, I’m blushing here.  I do have a confession though.  I think I ended up with at least one of these illegally.  I didn’t steal it or anything like that, but I don’t think I used proper fortune cookie protocol.  There are rules right?  Does someone need to actually hand you a cookie?  You can’t just go grabbing that shit and expect the fortune to be cosmic in some way.  

 

     Just for fun, I’m going to play the game where you add “in bed” to the end of your fortunes and see what happens.

 

“Your winsome smile will be your sure protection…in bed.”

 

I’d be more afraid as to why I would need protection in bed…who the hell am I in bed with that I need a charming smile?  A snake maybe?  Alright moving on…

 

“Your principles mean more to you than any money or success…in bed.”

I guess this means I can’t ever be a male prostitute.  I could surely make a lot of money in the whoring field, but my principles just won’t allow it.

 

“Honesty and integrity are just some of your best attributes…in bed.”

 

This is something that could get me in trouble.  

‘I’m sorry honey you just weren’t doing it for me tonight.’

‘Yes, I’m sorry but your butt does look big in that thong.’

‘No, I don’t feel like returning the favor.’

 

Ok, so that concludes my first blog post in a year and a half.  Hope you enjoyed it.

 

 

 

 

If I Were a Dad… June 19, 2011

Posted by todoubled22 in Misc..
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…my kids would buy me socks.

Why socks and not a tie?  A nice wide tie is a staple of Father’s Day gift giving and I do love that tradition, but I would like socks because all my socks have holes in them and I just don’t like buying socks.  Isn’t that one of the reasons you have kids, so they can buy you stuff like that (with your own money, of course)? 

My kids would be embarrassed when I took off my work shoes and the little piggy who went to the market is saying hello.  Now that I think about it I would embarrass them with new socks as well…

If they bought white tube socks, I could hike them up and wear sandals for the ever fashionable white socks and sandals look.

If they went with dress socks, I could put on some white sneakers a sexy speedo and go mow the lawn in front of their friends!

Man, my kids are gonna love me someday!

Happy Father’s Day to all the great father’s (and single mothers).

One little, two little, three little chest hairs April 21, 2011

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Easy ladies (and Pricing Jeff)!  Those bad boys are my chest hairs.  They’re the only ones I got so I make sure to treat them right.  I shampoo and condition them everyday.  Just a dab will do the the trick. 

I know there are women out there who enjoy a chest filled with hair.  They may love the rain forrest coming out of the shirt, or the gold chains dangling in the denseness.  Those women aren’t for me (obviously). 

I do shave them once a year so I can keep track of their progress and see if I’ve added a few.  I’m also not afraid to use chest hair Rogaine For Men (I seriously hope they don’t make chest hair Rogaine For Women!) if I notice I’ve lost a few.

Alright, I gotta keep this one short because I want to give you enough time to stare at the manliness.

Go Bruins!

ps, if you look hard enough you should be able to see them I promise they exist!

Toddy Carson? April 18, 2011

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T-O Double D, the talk show host?  Why not?  Aside from having a face for radio, I think this potential project could be what I need to start my Youtube channel.

I’m not looking to interview famous people of course.  Manchester, New Hampshire isn’t exactly a hot bed of celebrity action.  I have an interesting concept though.  Since I don’t know any celebrities I will have to make them.  Bear with me here and I’ll explain.

I would do one show a week in a similar format to a late night talk show.  Start with a short opening monologue talking about the week’s events/news etc.  Introduce a couple of people who will be involved including my cameraman, my musically inclined sidekick, and maybe an announcer. 

The shows will have three guests.  One guest will be real.  This would allow me to actually hone real interview skills and bring some interesting people and stories to my potential Youtube subscribers.

Another guest will be fictional.  This will be a character that I create, is created by someone else, or a collaborate effort.  These can come from many different fields.  Actors, actresses, athletes, authors, politicians, fashion experts, or anything that could be ripped from headlines throughout history.  This part of the show could show my creativity and ability to create characters for future projects.

My final guest will be a band or singer.  I figure I know some people in bands or have friends who are close with bands.  This gives a little free promotion and exposure to local bands.

I also have plans to do weekly skits and/or “commercials” and have thoughts on potential sponsors.  Even if I’m not being paid by sponsors, their presence will add to the professionalism and feel of the show.

I originally wanted someone else to play the host, but I decided I need to kick it off since it will be my Youtube channel.  I believe I could ask thought provoking questions and add enough humor to keep it interesting.

I am still in the planning stages and would love some feedback and ideas from all of you.  I have a list of potential guests, both real and fictional, and hope to start ironing out some other details over the next month and a half.

Please give me your thoughts.  Do you want to play a guest or be a real guest?

Could you see me being successful at this?

Thanks!

Still there? April 13, 2011

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I know its been awhile since I’ve posted a blog, but I want you to know I haven’t actually stopped writing.  I tried sharing stories to get some laughs, but I’ve become really boring lately.  Since I lost my license I’ve become a bit of a hermit.  I hesitate to say ‘depressed’ because I know that is a clinical term, but I have been a bit down.  I have also spent time trying to develop my numerous other ideas which I hope to start before Summer begins.

I do enjoy writing but let’s face it, writing a free blog for my friends and family ain’t paying the bills.  Hell, my real job is having trouble doing that too!  I have a lot of ideas which sometimes get the best of me and can be distracting.  I recently wrote them down and you can see how I get distracted.

Just in case you didn’t know, movies are a great love of mine.  I would love to write screenplays.  I can imagine scenes in my head and thinking creatively is something I really enjoy.  My ultimate long term goal is to write a screenplay and be able to watch it on the big screen.

I won’t go into specific details, but I will share more info privately.  (Yes I am paranoid, but I’m serious about these ideas and don’t want them floating around the internet because I can’t afford a lawyer to sue any of you mofos for stealing my Academy award winning ideas)

FOUR movie ideas (one could be tv show and one could be mini series)

THREE book ideas (two non fiction, one fiction)

A mixed martial arts website (with a friend or two) that I would plan to turn into a management company.

And my final idea is technically multiple ideas.  I want to create a Youtube channel (or channels) where I would create shows that could form a network of sorts. 
  
The problem with having multiple ideas is that it’s easy to get distracted and bounce from one to another.  I’ve lacked the discipline to pick something and just work that out.  I believe whole heartedly in all my ideas, but I have realized most need to go on the backburner.

Sooooo, I’ve decided that my Youtube ideas are going to be the beginning of my media empire.  Writing books and movies take a long time and websites cost money. 

I am currently working out details and molding my first project.  I’m hesitant to be the star because I have a face for radio, but I have found a niche that I think I could excel at and have become optimistic about future success.  This is an endeavor that I will not be able to do alone, and will be searching for helpers in the coming weeks. 

Wow, didn’t realize this was so long but it could have been longer.  My passion has returned and I can’t wait to share it with you, my amazing family and friends, as soon as possible.  Thanks for reading and being so supportive.  Even through these difficult times I truly feel blessed.

Todd

The dream will live on March 16, 2011

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I have only myself to blame really. I’ve always understood the game of having to get rides from friends, and sometimes things don’t work in your favor and it’s nobody’s fault. Foxwoods isn’t a short drive, and there were no guarantees we’d be home before a certain time.

I’ve been open about my dream of being on Survivor, but I decided in the Fall that I was going to wait another year while I attempted to get my life back in order. This open casting call became known to me within the last week and I rushed to get excited about it without thinking of the little things…like a ride to Connecticut and applying for a passport.

I wanted to be able to make my ‘I want to be on Survivor’ series of videos and have some fun with it. I think that experience would allow me to make a creative and funny application video that I can plan and have well thought out.

I did spend my evening being a little bummed about a possible missed chance, but this is not something I’m just going to give up on. If Survivor gets cancelled, there’s always Beauty and the Geek!

Survivor: So Close I Can Feel It! March 13, 2011

Posted by todoubled22 in Best Ones, Survivor.
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So here it is. This is a moment in a person’s life that is literally a crossroads. I face a crossroad that I wasn’t quite prepared to face at this point in time. Optimus Prime said “…fate rarely calls upon us at a time of our choosing.” How can I argue with Optimus Prime?

There are Survivor auditions at Foxwoods Resort and Casino on Wednesday and I may not get another opportunity like this right? This has been a dream of mine for a number of years. The show won’t last forever so maybe this is literally my last opportunity? I’m not even lying when I’m telling you I have the chills right now thinking about this.

Do I honestly think I could win Survivor? Yes, I really do. Why? I think I would become friends with everyone. I know it’s difficult to play the whole game without lying, even though it has been done, but I think I’d play a great social game and would find genuine connections with people and still maintain the integrity of the game. Most people know I’m a softie, so I may find it difficult to vote off ‘friends’, but I know what the game entails and I am prepared.

I also don’t think I’d be the biggest physical threat. I’d be important for my tribe to keep around because I’m not a liability, but I also wouldn’t be the most feared player physically. I know I’m a teddy bear. I have that boyish charm and can be a goofball. That will help me around camp, but also make me important for challenges.

I can be comfortable making a fool of myself to make others more comfortable. I’ve posted blogs on my love of chick flicks, karate chopping butter, Guitar Hero karaoke, and peeing on myself do you think I’d have a problem with doing any of those things in front of my tribesmates?

I also believe I’m susceptible to a ‘showmance.’ For those of you who don’t know, a ‘showmance’ is a romance that develops on a reality program. There have been some famous showmances on Survivor, and I would love to add to that list. I can picture myself proposing to my arch nemesis on the live reunion show. I’d also have to admit that I could see myself giving up the immunity idol to save the object of my reality show affection. I’d just love to come out of Survivor with a blogging career that could support my drinking habit.

Honestly though, I could really use your positive thoughts. This will be one of the only times I ever beg for your comments. You will help to add to my confidence, but I’d love to tell the producers of Survivor that I had 40 or 50 comments of support from my friends. Might make me seem cooler if ya know what I mean 😉

Wish me luck and God Bless!
T-O Double D

I really need a haircut February 25, 2011

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image

Justin Bieber?  You forget to buy hair gel one day and you show up with different looking hair and you get thrown in with the likes of Justin Bieber.  One person at works says Justin Bieber hair and everyone starts laughing.  Somebody brings out the Bieber poster, tells me to hold it, and cameras start clicking.  I was on the red and khaki carpet of Target.

The shit was put up as the wallpaper on the work computers and I was tagged on Facebook within minutes.  I had at least 8 people tell they liked my Bieber picture within 10 minutes. 

I joked to someone about having a bunch of tween girls chasing me around and I was reminded that I’d also have their cougar mothers…

“And I was like baby, baby…”

and…

“One less lonely cougar mom.”